Metrics: By the time I get to Arizona

ATG sizes it all up.

A quick salute is needed on behalf of the culture FBO the state of Arizona's stupefying, blatant, misguided outburst of overt racism. Arizona legislators and sympathizing citizens, you shells of ignorance really don't know anything. God save us. There's absolutely no way around these thin arguments for Senate Bill 1070, supported by 70% of Arizona's people, all of which are laced with xenophobia:


What they say: "It's not a race issue, it's a border enforcement issue."
What they mean: "I am ok with light-skinned, European or Canadian illegal immigrants who will absolutely not get harassed by local authorities."


What they say: "When I see my property tax bill and the amounts we pay to subsidize the county hospital, it makes me realize just another way illegal immigration directly impacts me."
What they mean: "I hate Mexicans because their hair doesn't thin at 35 and they have a higher tolerance for tequila."


What they say: "Being Hispanic, like many Americans, I have no issue with this law. Is it racial profiling? Absolutely. But when criminals change the way they break the law, you have to change the laws and the way you enforce them."
What they mean: "I'm a sellout piece of shit who likes to pretend the plight of my fathers to the United States was a righteous journey from a simpler time."


What they say: "The State of Arizona is only doing what the federal government will not do: enforce our laws!"
What they mean: "I am behind the idea of drastic, unprecedented levels of surveillance on our populous as long as it curbs the number of Mexicans selling empanadas down the street."


What they say: "I travel a bit in my job, and I always keep my passport with me. I was stationed in Germany as a GI, and was always required to show documentation whenever I crossed into a new country."
What they mean: "Nazi supermen are our superiors."


What they say: "If this is racial profiling, what is Affirmative Action? I don't hear any liberals complaining about that."
What they mean: "NON-SEQUITORS MAKE GREAT BULLET POINTS."


What they say: "Seriously though, Mexico is terrifying. Drug cartels and border kidnappings and that farmer guy who was murdered. I mean that shit is scary."
What they mean: "If we call the police station on the Mexicans waiting for day labor shifts in front of Home Depot or selling fake Steve Nash jerseys, that'll all go away."


What they say: "You're damn right classes promoting the overthrow of the U.S. Government should be banned."
What they mean: "Really, we just hate the Mexicans and this is a great excuse to rid ourselves of all their prideful, cultural bullshit. I don't want my child learning about Dia De Los Muertos. And while we're at it, let's go ahead and get rid of teachers with thick accents."